Friday, June 25, 2010

Friday, 25 Jun 2010

Its Friday... what would be my day off.. BUT, since I am switching to days on Monday, I am taking Sunday off instead. Fun Fun.. SO, I will be going in tonight, but its okay. Its not like I mind working, there really isn't much else to do, beyond working out.. which I can't wait to get back on a normal schedule for that.. I miss my P90X..
The work here isn't bad and definitely could be worse! I am meeting new people and seeing foreign forces that I have never seen before. Its crazy!
I am slowly taking more and more control of the Casualty Cell.. Finding my way around. I basically had to give new guidance to our cells that work for foreign HQs and well as US HQs. Its kinda neat to see the mix. We have people that work for NATO and so on..
Its kinda cool to know that our Cell is the HQ. Our Cell is the one in charge of all the Cells in Afghanistan.. Pretty big responsibility and have already had to learn some of the politics involved and then some of the different personalities involved- of the others that run the cells.
Work hasn't been too bad lately. It is a steady stream of injuries and casualties.. but, you just learn to not humanize it anymore. We keep ourselves busy with data entry, processing and THE UNIT. I bought the UNIT season 1-4 at the last Bazaar.. and we are almost completely done with it. I think we have 1 CD left of season 4.. LOL - But when we work nights and it slows, its nice to have something else to focus on, or we would go stir crazy! :)
SO - Someone is letting me rip their Season 1-6 of House.. woohoo.. Its always better to watch these shows with no commercial interruptions!!

As far as me, I am doing okay. I do have a couple different funnies for ya..
I may have told you this, but, when I go outside at night to smoke... especially, 2-3 in the morning, I am the only one out there... But I have noticed that between the barriers put up -I can see into the homes/apartments of the Kabul city.. and my mind plays tricks on me.. lol especially after watching the UNIT.. All I can think of is that there is a sniper in one of those windows.. and so I smoke very quickly.. and zig zag my way back to the main door.. in a very fast (not quit running speed...LOL) yea.. then I have to laugh at myself when I get back inside..

Yesterday I had a blow out.. Yes.. a full on blow out.. and didn't know it until someone said something to me.. OMG.. What is funny is that a little earlier than that, I had seen some stuff on my watch, and was wondering, how the hell did that get there... so - I am outside smoking and Trisha so kindly tells me - My pen must have blown up.. Yes.. My pen. what were you thinking??? LOL My pen blew out and had leaked thru to my arm and my watch..
It sucked! So, for the rest of the night I had to roll the sleeve up and spent 1/2 hour washing my arm, hands and watch with alcohol (the hand sanitizer..) worked wonders to get the ink off!!

Okay - last funny.. but scary story.. I was in the shower tent.. had just showered and was still in my towel I think.. and i hear what sounds like a plane.. well, I know there is an airport nearby.. but this plane, well, it really sounded as if it were headed straight to the tent. It was so close and so low that I truly thought it was going to crash in to the base - and into the tent I was standing in a towel, in.. As the seconds grew - sodid the loud sound, making me believe this was truly it.. I really did think this plane was going to land on top of me.. and its not like I could run out to see where it was.. I was only wearing a towel.
So, I stood straight up, covered my ears and really, honestly figured this was it. My life didn't flash before my eyes in those few miniscule seconds, but a few thoughts did.. those of my kids and my parents and then the thought that after all this, and being here - that this was how I was going to go out.. But even I was amazed at the sense of calm that came over me as I stood there.. with my hands over my ears, just waiting for the crash. There was nothing else I could do.. Then, the airplane crossed over and the sound started to fade..
I exhaled, and then laughed at myself. Was extremely grateful to be alive..
Now, to some of you, that may seem completely ridiculous.. but, I have to tell you, it was not to me. At the time, I was not thinking that I am over reacting, I was thinking of the planes that went into the pentagon, World Trade Center and how it would not be beyond them to do such a thing. It kind of puts life in a different perspective.. especially for me.. right now.. because that incident happened about 2 hours ago.. I can look back and laugh, and will probably never tell anyone here what I went thru (besides those that read this) - But this was a moment that I hope to never relive.

When you think about dying, just the thought usually sends panic, you think of your kids, your family, your life in general.. and you worry about the pain it would cause for those that love and need you.. In those few seconds it took for that plane to cross over - those thoughts ran thru my head, and I seriously prayed to GOD for the few seconds of thought remaining, but I remember thinking to myself, if this is it, there is nothing I can do.. and so I stood there.. waiting for it.. with a serene sense of calm.

I know.. this sounds crazy.. but in my world here, it is not. Nothing is impossible, or ridiculous here. THere is such a thing as a healthy sense of fear - which I do have..
not a sense of fear that clouds my ability to live, to function, just a healthy sense -
But this.. this was not something I had even thought of, until it happened. So I didn't think I was being silly.. For those moments, I thought I was going to die. AND no matter how I describe it to you now, or laugh at myself for it all now,
I don't think I will ever be able to convey the thoughts and feelings that ran thru me as I stood there, covering my ears, waiting for the plane to land on top of me..

Yes- I can laugh at myself now.. more in mere relief than out of feelig silly..
And if I should feel silly for that? I don't know if I could say I feel like I was being silly.. it was a real fear in a moment that I feel was as real to me as it can get..

Okay. thats enough for tonight.. I don't want to get all sentimental - as most of you (atleast those of you in theater here with me) are probably laughing your asses off at the fear i felt today.. and as funny as it may seem now.. it was real to me then.

Gonna take care of some stuff online and will write more later.. feel free to email me at work.. I work all night..which is all day your time! :)

More tomorrow


  1. So we have already talked about how not funny this was about the plane. LOL I was 10X more emotional when I read it out loud to Mike. I had my friend Mary crying with me! I miss you and GOD PLEASE KEEP YOU SAFE! Katrina and I picked you up a few more things for your box today. Just little happies. I will try to get it full and mailed by end of next week. I love you!

  2. You did not sound silly at all. I cant imagine living in a "world" where every moment you need to be so "aware". Im so proud of you sis, your an inspiration. xoxo

  3. Tanya...I am "catching" up on your blogs and this one really made me tear up...and I do not even know you. Planes sometimes stray "south" and fly over my house from the San Diego Airport and I get really I know not to be selfish. Thank you for your service and please take care!!