19 March 2011
Last night, I went to bed about 2200. But by midnight, I was woke up by mother nature – which really sucks.. because going outside, to go pee.. seems to instantly wake you up.. although, last night, it wasn't the cold air that woke me up.
As I headed back in to my room, as I opened the door – my roommate sat up in her bed, yelled out "Who's there? What's going on? What are you doing?"
Now – let me tell you, when I left, she was fast asleep.. and I mean snoring.. when I walked back in the room – to be greeted like that – was the LAST thing I expected.
I guess I shouldn't have told her about the rapes in Kandahar.. that had her on edge. I truly think had she had her gun, I would've been shot.. I shook me up – her reaction.
After that, I could not go back to sleep until bout 130sih/2. Errrgh.. I tossed and turned, trying to get my adrenaline to unwind. I finally did fall back asleep and was successful at getting up at 0600 this morning.
I got up in time for breakfast, but as soon as I smelled the food, discovered my stomach was still nauseas. It has been that way all day.. it kinda sucks..
After my MSgt pulled an "intervention" of sorts, I made an appointment with the Chaplain today. Although it is no big surprise how I have been feeling, as I talk about it daily with the crew I work with. If I can't talk about the issues I am having, how can I expect them to come to me, with the same?
It was actually good to talk to the Chaplain. She gave me some good input and made me see that honestly, what I am going through, is normal for anyone having been put in my scenario, just like many others that are put in situations, and jobs which is full of death and injury 24/7.
I think we both agreed that no matter how much I have compartmentalized, my compartment is over flowing.. so, time to let go of some of the burdens I have been carrying – time to let go. As she put it: Imagine the reports I have processed were like pebbles on the road – and as I have gone thru it, I have picked those up, some I have put right back down, others I have continued to carry with me; but – as she said, at some point, I need to be able to let them go.
Today has been another busy day – 3 people killed today.. 2 of them by trusted local nationals – that turned.. it's pretty sad, and definitely makes you leery.
Anyhow, not much else, had to do a bunch of statistics today for the casualties since USFOR-A stood up.. that literally took the whole day.
Well, its now 10pm, I have put in my 15 hour day and this girl is going to bed.
Night all, lots of love to all!