Its morning time here and I normally write in the evenings, but due to the replies from my last posting, I felt it necessary to write this am.
Last night, my post was odds and ends of things I had thought about and never quite verbalized. Things I noticed, things that gave me little twinges of fear.. But - a healthy fear. NOT ones that I constantly obsess about. When I write these... I try to let people see from inside my mind.. and throughout the days, I generally get lots of thoughts that I never remember to write about..
Some as simple as "Man - she is a reason why Navy women get a bad name.. I KNOW she is not within standards" or "Damn, how many assistants do the generals need to do their jobs" or "This is my job, my billet, let me do it and take OIC of YOUR signature line.. "
Stupid random thoughts, and those that I wrote about last night were prominent, because it was all fresh in my head as I walked around last night after my shift.
There are some things I feel I shouldn't say.. but.. this is my blog.. of my thoughts.. and if I don't write them down.. how will I remember everything I was thinking, or feeling, from day to day.. BUT please, don't worry about me. Usually, if I am sad.. or a little depressed.. I will actually state that.. as I did when I was in Kuwait and felt soo alone.
Here I am lucky to be surrounded by 30% of those that I had trained with for the previous 6 weeks.. I have friends.. I have aquantances and more importantly, a support network to whom I can vent to here... when or if I feel the need.
Its funny because, yes, usually, as a parent, as a daughter, we hold up a certain strength to my kids.. to my parents.. so that they don't worry about me. My parents have a hard job right now of taking care of my kids.. I don't want them worried about me or my well being.. And although I know they will, simply becuase I am in a war zone.. and that's a scary thought for any parent or child.. the less they have to worry about other stuff is extremely important to me..
However, here... I will usually write about those worries.. after the fact.. when the danger or fear or sadness has passed.. I write this, so that others may see - as visually as they can from afar - this place, this war zone, through my eyes. No Bullshit, no cover ups, no flowering up the statements as we do with everything in the military. This is me. These are my thoughts.. Good, bad or indifferent, this is what I see and feel from day to day.
Thank you all for your concern.. I seriously appreciate it, but don't worry! :)
I just want to capture every moment I can, every thought, every feeling, so that in years to come, my grandchildren can relive my year in "the war zone" and understand what we in the military go through to help protect us all. Its not just physical casualties that people experience. Its the mental turmoil of being away from family. Its the helpless feeling of knowing that no matter what is going on at home.. we really can't do much to help from where we are..
Don't get me wrong, I am okay with being here. I am glad I am doing my part. I will be able to retire in a few years knowing I did something BIG for the military. I did my part as many others do.. over and over again.
Thank you to all who serve. Thank you to all who support those of us that do and mostly, thank you for the onpooring of love and strength we receive from those back home!
Now - if you really want to support me... start sending care packages!! :) LOL
Anything.. I don't care.. lol - Just getting mail from home.. whether it be a card, or a package is definitely like Christmas.. every time! :)
mixed nuts, magazines, M&Ms (those are my weakness), graham crackers, healthy snacks, stationary, I dunno.. things like that.. My address is on FB.
Okay.. I will write more tomorrow after my shift..