Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

So, its been a few days since I have written. I am struggling with my internet in my room and quite honestly, too damn lazy to go sit outside at night to get the USO wireless... I have been working late and taking advantage of the free calls home from work.

So, I think last time I blogged, I talked about staying at work one night until about 1230 - this was a long night.. and even longer day the next day, due to getting up early to PT.

I am trying to find my niche and get in to a routine. What I thought i was going to be able to do.. well.. what I thought and what I can do, feasibly - are two different things.

They started Insanity in the mornings - and P90X in the afternoons. I am motivate to workout and wanted to do both, but due to my schedule, I think I will have to do the insanity in the mornings - since it does not conflict with work. trying to do something scheduled in the afternoon does not work, since, we never know what is going to come in. I was going to start P90X on Monday with the group - basically starting over .. again... after having just started over last week - however, 10 minutes before I was due to leave, we got a multi-casualty in.. which gets us all busy. So, I think Insanity in the mornings and P90X - when I can.. on days I can - in the afternoon. On days I can't - well, I can't.
After Insanity - they are going to do the P90X again.. so maybe I will catch it then.. we'll see. So far.. I am loving/hating insanity.. as it pushes me cardio wise.. more than I normally push myself on the elliptical..

So – its been a busy week for me.. I left off last time talking about how I had a rough day.. It was a rough day. One of my battle buddies had a really rough time.. it was a reality check for those of us over here.. at how quickly your emotions can get the best of you. Being over here isn’t just a burden of worry about ourselves.. what people don’t realize is that we still carry the weight and burden of our families, and their worries. What happens at home, although 7,000 miles away (halfway around the world) – still affects us. We can tend to feel helpless. Useless. What can we do from here? How can we help? Then, we carry that burden, unannounced, for the duration. Those burdens add up. Now, couple that with the stress of being in a war zone, worrying about your future once you leave here, and possible relationship issues/marital issues, kid issues, you name it.. Things can spiral pretty quickly! Fortunately, we, as battle buddies (even at different FOBS) are looking out for one another and are here to lend an ear when needed.

That night I also dealt with some work casualties that left me speechless and with a hurting heart for those that suffered and their families. A HMMWV was hit by an IED, rolled over and burst into flames. Of the 4 service members inside, they were only able to get two of them out before the vehicle was surrounded by flames. The vehicle burned for about 10 hours. 10 hours. Take that as you will. That broke my heart to think about the casualty, and really messed me up that night.

It is difficult sometimes, so I vent. I vent, I have a bad day like everyone else, I cry, and then I get over it. Its not very often that it gets to me. I am learning to view the names as just names… nothing more.. but sometimes, some incidents you just can’t wrap your head around and it catches you off guard.

Anyhow, so, that is how that is going. Kids are doing well. Tylor is just as easy going as ever and enjoying his summer, him and Travis are going to Vacation Bible school, and Katrina, well, she is 15. You could not pay me enough to go back to that age… her 15, the boys in their pretweens.. OMGosh! Umm.. Yea.. I guess that’s what they call it the “Wonder Years” because we parents are asking the question… “I Wonder if it will get better” LMAO
Altho we all know the answer to that. J
Well, lets see… yesterday was a good day for me. I was able to reconnect with someone and get some closure that had been a long time coming. I have never been a vindictive, or “get back at you” type person.. and I have never been in a relationship that ended with the two of us “hating” or not speaking to one another.. But, this had been the case for a few years.. and it was weighing heavy on my heart. I carry a lot of guilt and regret for how things fell, and was given the opportunity to put some things to peace. It was nice. And I am very grateful!

My roommates moved out so I was able to move to the back of the room.. on the single bed!! Woohoo!! I will update pics soon! Its nice to be on a normal bed.. and set it up.. feeling a little like home. J

Random Comment: Have I ever told you we have a civilian that works here.. Foreign National who look EXACTLY like a cleaned up Sadaam Hussein? It was a little freaky the first time I saw him... and the weirdness has yet to fade..

Okay, I think that does it for me tonight. Good night all!