I had a talk with GOD today...
A long much needed talk
I asked him to please help me...
To ease my burdens and heal the pains that were aching in my heart
I cried for a while last night, a relief, quite honestly
A stress relief, an emotional release
It's been a while since I've had a good cry
I felt so alone, I felt so sad
Yet I couldn't understand why
Why something so small, seemed so huge...
But, then I realized, as previously mentioned...
Out here, our emotions are on over drive,
Everything is heightened,
From your sense, your awareness, to your emotions
And sometimes, even the smallest of disappointments can seem like the biggest
Something, that if, quite honestly, had happened back home, wouldn't have been a big deal, seemed like the biggest of let downs...
But, it was not, it is not, and I just had to realize that
I can't control everything..( yeah, I know..big surprise...)
Imagine my disappointment..lol
Really tho, I just had to take a step back, and realize why I am feeling the way I am, and what was really the cause..
It wasn't that minor disappointment, rather than the reality of missing home,
Missing a normal life, (heck..missing civilian clothes....wine.....) did I mention wine? Yea, I miss that too..lol
Life is strange here for me...there are many days I feel soo grateful,
Because I know I have already made a difference here, no matter how small in comparison to those risking their life out in the fields,
I know, I have made a difference for them...I feel appreciated by my boss, which I am very thankful for and appreciated by many others for the work I provide, the work I do, the things I see, and deal with and the things I have created and done to streamline the proccess so that Every fallen hero is taken care from from the first steps in the process immediately following their injury or death.
I feel blessed to be a part of something that can and does make that difference. I know that what I have done here, so far, has already made a lasting impact that will be further reaching even after I redeploy. I have seen things, I will never want to see again, I have read reports for our heroes, that will haunt me till the day I die...but has made me much more grateful with abetted understanding of what we all go thru, and knowing that it could be any of us here...and I am lucky.
Then there are days, that work aside, I feel lonely..the kind of lonely that work achievements can not fix...
And when I feel that, I have learned that really, a good cry, a few vented emotions, and a long talk with GOD heals my wounds...holds me tight, and peals away the lonely layers that try to smother me..
When I woke up this afternoon, these great words came to my head...
So I wanted to share them with you..
Turn over your fears, let go of your tears
I will bear the pain
For you, my love, are in my heart
From the moment you knew my name
Give me your troubles, push away your doubts
And i will lead the way
Tomorrow, my child, will be brand new
A bright, and loving day